World Cup Fetishists …

As the opening ceremony of the 2006 World Cup began, I was a little concerned as to what was unfolding. Scores of leather-shorted, hairy Bavarians took to the field and began slapping their thighs. Then another group of sexual deviants lined the route and began cracking 2-meter long bullwhips.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, more local men in shorts took to the pitch and began humping large aluminium cowbells. And quite aggressively, I can tell you. This was quickly becoming the annual shareholders meeting of the Leather Fetish Club (Munich Chapter).

It was blatantly obvious that this World Cup revolves around sex.

And it went on:

The Cup was brought onto the field by Edson Arantes do Nascimento, Pele to his mates. Alongside ‘our Ed’ was Claudia Schiffer, ranked (I said ranked) as one of the World’s most beautiful women. They made an interesting pair (I include Ed in this statement) but it made for painful television as I couldn’t help that think that the star couple were not to be.

For some time now, Pele has been the celebrity spokesman for Viagra and with his heavily accented sales line running through my head: "There are lots of men with erectile problems who don't see a doctor out of embarrassment", my mind was taken off the footy and began imagining Pele and Schiffer together, in the sack. She, panting like an asthmatic fox, and Pele reaching for the little blue pill.

However, Viagra is not to be laughed about. In October 2005, 47-yr old Fin, Pekka Juhani Laakso, was found dead in his room at the Sun Sea & Sand Hotel in Thailand, apparently from an overdose of the drug.The Police estimated that Mr Laakso had been dead for around 36 hours before he was found, his hands still tightly gripping the bedsheets. A local doctor reckoned that one too many little blue pills had turned him into a stiff.

That must have been hard for him.

Let’s wait and see what other sexual references the Germans throw our way during the competition …

Stu