We'll Tell You When To Panic ...

MI5, the UK's domestic spook brother of MI6, has come up with a fantastic idea ... how to empty the shelves of a local supermarket in 30 seconds. No, this is not a new daytime TV game show.

Basically, people in the UK now have the option to be informed as to when the threat level in their country changes. So, you log onto the MI5 website, leave your name and email address and when some half-wit is thinking of donning a bulky waistcoat, MI5 should have picked up on the plot and be emailing the country with the change in security status. At present, says MI5 chief Dame Eliza Manningham-Buller, they're tracking at least 30 terror plots against the UK.

Initially, there will be two types of service on offer;

1) 'Threat Level Only'. This will inform the public if the nationwide terror threat level changes (as of today, the current condition is listed in the UK is 'severe').

2) 'What's New'. This will be a digest of the latest information from MI5, including speeches made by the director general and links to relevant websites (golly!).

The third option (currently under discussion) is a mobile telephone SMS text service - this will be called 'Start Panic Buying Now'. This will involve hundred's of thousand's of people being run over by 4x4's as folk rush to supermarkets to stock up on Sainsbury's cream cakes and Earl Grey tea.

It seems to me that the only winners will be the numerous terrorist organisations out there who will be able to tell if their threat is being taken seriously or not.

Everybody down!

Stu