Crocodile Tears ...

Here I sit in a hotel bedroom in Poitiers, having watched the cry-baby Italians deliver another unblemished masterclass in choreographed pratt falls. Agreed, their goals were very well deserved but as for their voluntary collapsing and writhing in shameful agony at the merest breath of air ... had they been animals, you'd have put them down.

When this tournament is all over, surely FIFA might want to review the slo-mo replays of all Italian matches?

Ukraine did remarkably well to get this far - it's only a shame they had to suffer such a performance by the Mediterranean mime gurus.

What did the Romans ever do for us?

Stu